Anatomy of a Scam

This is something that I'm not proud of, nor do I like talking about it.  I guess one of the only reasons I'll post this is so that people know what's going on and they can guard themselves from being a victim like me.

I'll admit that I do get scammed sometimes but it's very seldom that I do.  I'm usually very cautious and like to research everything and anything that comes my way so that I can know more about the situation and/or the person(s) that I'm dealing with ... but that doesn't happen all the time and sometimes I do get scammed big time.  There have only been a few instances that I remember being scammed, more specifically 2.  I'll go into detail about the most recent scam that I fell into ... it happened only a few weeks ago.

This is something that dawned on me after the fact, but when someone approaches you without you soliciting their services, then there is a good chance that it's a scam.  It's similar to when someone calls you saying that you won a prize but you've never entered anything.  

THE SETUP
As I'm driving into a local store parking lot a man in a car notices a dent that I have on my front fender from a tree falling on my car last year.  He promptly gets my attention and waves me down, telling me that he can fix it.  

This gets my attention as it's been somthing that I wanted to get fixed, but I know it'll cost a good amount of money to do so.  

He follows me into the parking lot and tells me that he can get that dent out in 15 minutes and it'll cost $150.  I ask him for a card because red flags started going up already since this is not the first time that I've been approached with this.  He says that he doesn't have a card and he's just free lancing that day and he usually works for a body shop during his regular work hours.  Again I ask for him number or a way I can reach him so that I can call him later when I have the cash ... but he was very insistent that we do it right then and there.  I refused a few more times and he pulls me in with "let me show you a sample."

Dropping all logic I follow him to the empty spot of the Home Depot parking lot.  Multiple flags are going off and I even joke about it in the car with Yas.  We talked about his Mercedes being a bit dented up and why hasn't he fixed it ... I even though about taking a picture of his license plate "just in case."  But I didn't take the picture and all comon sense for me went out the window.

BUILDING TRUST
As quickly as I park next to him, he comes out with his "equipment" that he had from the shop only for that day.  Standing by the dent he quickly talks about how he does this only as a side thing for his family ... a family of a few kids and a wife in his car waiting.  Some more chit chat about how the dent happened and how it would cost a few hundred to get it fixed in a body shop ... and I took the bait.  

I was coaxed in by him telling me things that I already knew, that it would cost me more money to get it done at a shop, that it would be more than a day or two to get it fixed, that there were more small dings, dents and scratches on my car.  

He was able to make me keep saying "yes" over and over again by stating the very obvious.  From that point on ... I was already deep into the scam.

THE JOB
He takes a crow bar and a rubber mallet, starts to try to push out the dent, while telling me to turn the wheel of the car slowly so that it would push on the crow bar to push the dents out.  He uses the suction cup dent remval contraption and tries to pull out the dents while making statements like he's the best in town and no one else can pull out dents like him.  

We watched ... flags are up everywhere that this is a scam, but I did nothing to stop it.  For some reason I was frozen, like a deer in head lights.  Why?  I'm not really sure ... maybe it was because I was hoping that it wasn't a scam.  That I would prove myself wrong and that it was legit and he would really fix the dent.  Maybe it was because I was already so deep in it that I didn't know how to get out ... that I couldn't just tell him "no."  

It might have been a combination of things, but the end result was I let this stranger who approaches me in the parking lot do work on my car with a crow bar ... a rubber mallet ... a screw driver ... and a few suction cups on a handle.

THE SELL
He continues on popping out the dent.  I see that he's actually gotten some of the dent out but it would be impossible to get everything out perfectly and for some reason I was alright with that for a price of $150.  More reassurance that he's doing a great job ... he tells me that he's trying to follow the contour of my car, making sure the lines match up.  A few grunts and groans of him trying to pop out the dents made him seem like he was actually working hard to get them out.  

The dent is popped out, but not as I envisioned it to be.  There was dimpling from the crow bar pushing up on the metal fender.  But he wasn't done yet.

Keep in mind that my red flags about this situation just keeps growing and growing, but at the same time they are pacified because I'm seeing some results and he's a very fast talker.  

I'm even given advice since I'm driving a black car.  He tells me that since I have a black car to take my car in for a "hot wax" twice a month and make sure I see them actually applying the hot wax on because some companies try to scam you.  They try to tell you they do something but they don't actually do it, how ironic.

THE COVER
He comes back from the trunk of his car with something that looks like wax or a rubbing compound.  It's explained that this is to seal in the job and to finish it.  He puts it all over the area that he just tried to pop out.  Now I have a white area on my front fender that makes it extremely difficult to tell what work was done.  

As I continued to be in the deer in the headlights, I said nothing when he put this compound on my car.  This is a car that I know how to take care of and that I wash by hand vigilantly.  Analysing all this I still can't believe I let a complete stranger even put his hands on my car, let alone put some white compound on my car.

He walks around my car, putting the compound on any scratch or small dent he sees.  Swirling it in with his dirty microfiber towel.  So many red flags, using a dirty microfiber towel to put compound on a dirty car is not a good thing, it'll just scratch things up.

Then he sells me on the compound!  Puts some on the hood and tells me that it'll get rid of the water spots and other dirt.  Uses the towel to wipe it off, tells me to feel how smooth it is ... as a sucker, I agreed that it was smoother than the other parts of the car that were still dirty.  

Still I knew better, but said absolutely nothing.

I asked him to fix a small dent in my door on the other side, he comes back and tells me to go in the car to press on the brake so that it creates pressure and it's easier to pull out - as I walk away to the driver side ... I can't help but wonder "what pressure!?" but I did it anyway!  A few seconds later he's done and shows me that he's put compound all over my car saying that he's done my entire car for me.  

THE GETAWAY AND PAYOUT
He now asks for the $150 since he did the entire car, and also asks for a tip since he did such a great job.  I tell him that I told him I had no money and he asks how much I do have.  $40 wasn't enough for him and he wanted the $150 + tip ... he gave me that sad look and said he was just doing it for his family and kids.

Like a sucker, I fell for it.  Psychologically I already fell neck deep in his bs ... even though there were so many flags raised and I questioned things every step of the way (in my head) I was telling myself that it's only right to pay this guy since he did do work on my car.  

Stupidly we drove to an ATM ... still in shock and still caught in the headlights.  There was even a time on the way to the ATM that I wanted to let him get caught at a stop light and speed off without paying a cent but I ended up handing over about $130.

That look on his face of disappointment when I handed him only $130 should have been enough for me to take the money back ... but I didn't and I still can't tell you why.  

He reassured me with closing words of getting a hot wax and letting the compound sit for about 24 hours before getting it done.  

If you read this closely then you'll remember that the reason I followed him and parked was because he was going to show me a demo.  But the demo was in fact the actual job and I didn't even realize that this was a service that I didn't ask for, and that it was a demo he was going to show me and if I liked it he was going to pop out the dents for me ... 

This whole ordeal made me wonder and analyze everything, wondering what made me do nothing and listen to him word for word and trust him 100%.  I've figured out parts of why certain things happened but I still can't figure out why as a whole I fell for this.

It was the quick talking, it was the quick fix, the cheaper price than getting it professionally done, it was being caught off guard, it was being stupid.  The quick sell of having the dents fixed for a lower price and the pressure he put on me to get it done now now now got me thrown off balance from my usual overly cautious ways.  

Everything that happened during and after just supported me falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole and not being able to get out.  It was a mind f*ck and it really got me good.  It was a scam that wasn't well played by him, but rather just me being so receptive to his offer.  There were so many holes in his scam that I picked up on ... but yet I never called him out on it!  Perhaps it was the "wait and see" attitude that he might actually be legit and did fix the dent.

THE AFTERMATH
With any scam it's not only skin deep, but it goes beyond.  The scammer might think that the only damage is the exchange fo a few dollars, but it's so much more than that.  

For me it was my damaged ego, me feeling like I was just taken advantage of and to be extreme it felt like I had just been rapped.  I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to talk about it, I had no answers for why I let that happen and I didn't want to tell anyone.  I just wanted it to go away, I just didn't want to deal with it or anything.

The damage of being scammed is that you feel like a fool, and it's a chain reaction after that.  You feel that you can't do x y and z, you're self confidence takes a nose dive and it's quite hard to get back.  When someone takes advantage of you it just breaks you down mentally and emotionally.  

Often times you find yourself sitting there wondering how you can be so stupid to fall for something like that.  You ask yourself time and time again why you didn't speak up, and it effects those around you and those close to you.  

Nevermind the small dent in the bank account, but it's the larger dent on the individual that's long lasting.  Not having any medical background or anything, but I would compare it to having post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  

I was extremely bummed after wards and just wanted to go home and sleep.  I didn't even want to do anything.  I just wanted it all to be behind me and I never wanted to talk about it again.  This served as a good thing for me because instead of waiting the next day to get the compound off, I just wanted this story to end so I took it to the car wash to get it all off. 

After gathering myself a few days later I found out that this is a very common scam, they are called gypsies and it's been happening for years and years.  There are so many more horror stories where people listened and left the compound on for the 24 hours ... and washed it off the following day to find that the paint under the compound had been stripped to the metal.  Now what was a $150 mistake cost them a few thousand dollars to repaint the entire car.  

This is just an example of a scam that happened to me and the steps that I now see build it's way up from start to finish.  So it's a lesson learned and the only good thing to come out of this is that I've become more aware and hopefully have learned how to say no or to just look away when I'm solicited for services that I didn't even ask for.  

These are the key things that I've learned and hopefully it'll help someone reading this from getting scammed:

• If a service or product is being pushed to you without your direct want of it, then it's most likely a scam
• If someone points out that you need help with [fill in the blank] and they offer to help you for cheap, then it's most likely a scam
• If someone tells you that they have to do whatever service right here and right now, then it's most likely a scam
• If they don't offer you a business card, a working contact number and someone that can vouch for them then it's most likely a scam
• If you're propositioned in a parking lot, it's most likely a scam
• If there's not agreement or anything in writing is refused, then it's most likely a scam
• If the service is rushed and they throw on some crap to cover up the job without you having adequate time to inspect it, then it's most likely a scam
• If you have red flags going up everywhere and you choose to ignore them, then it's most likely a scam

I hope this serves as some help and people learn how to avoid falling into the deer in headlights mode.

+mon

The Illusion of Work Attire

I do hope that people at work don't read my blog ... if they do then they'll know some of my secrets!  So this one is being put out there so everyone can benefit from it and maybe you can do it too!

When you have to dress in business clothing there's a whole process that is involved, as some of you know.  The big thing is ironing the clothes - the pants and especially the shirts.  This is mostly for the guys but I think the girls might be able to find this useful as well.  There comes a time in people's professional lives that you just can't and don't want to sit there for hours ironing dress shirts that you just got out of the laundry.  Sure you can take them straight out of the dryer and hang them, but they aren't crisp and they don't have those iron lines on the sleeves and or legs of the pants.  

Dry cleaning you say?  I've been down that road before and although it's a good place to take your dress clothes to be cleaned and ironed, it often gets pricey at about $2.50 a shirt.  So if you buy a $50 shirt and wear it a lot, then you're going to end up paying more for the cleaning and ironing of that shirt in the long run than the actual purchase price.  I know a lot of us aren't that loaded (but I soon will be thanks to Monica!) so we have to find other means.

There have been days where I would have sweatshop type labor since I needed my clothes ironed.  I would pay my niece and/or nephew $20 for all my shirts, there was a good amount of shirts so it was cheaper than the dry cleaning.  The problem with that was they would constantly complain that there were too many shirts, or they didn't get the wrinkles out.

The following rational isn't going to make sense to some people but it did to me at the time I was doing it.  Instead of washing my dress shirts and ironing them, I would just buy new ones and use those for about a week, then they would go into the pile of clothes that need to be washed and ironed.  This only went on for a few weeks as I started to run out of money, and ended up with way more dress shirts than I needed.

So the solution to all of this madness is quite easy.  It's not sitting down on a Sunday aftenoon and ironing all your work clothes, noooo that's the hard way out!  Quite possibly the best solution, but also the hardest.  Well for me it takes me about 5-10 minutes a shirt as I try to get it nice and clean with the iron and the lines on the sleeves, so it takes a while!

Now the results will vary, but it's better when you have the white button down shirts instead of the colored ones.  The reason being is that the colored shirts are remembered moreso than the white ones, and the one shirts have more combinations that can be made.  What combinations is he talking about?

Monday comes and you only have one shirt ironed, luckily it's a white button down shirt that you happened to iron and is clean.  Nice and fresh, so you go into work wearing that and black slacks ... see the pants are not as important because people don't look at your pants as much as they do with the shirt.  

Tuesday shows it's ugly head and you find that no shirts are fresh and clean anymore!  You see that white shirt you wore yesterday, but do you dare wear it again?  Yes you do, but this time you add a nice tie to the mix!  Ahhhh brand new outfit, the white shirt loses focus as it's a common fact that guys have more white shirts than other shirts, so it could just be another white shirt and not the white shirt you wore yesterday.

Halfway there, Wednesday is here.  So now you have the option of keeping the shirt and just changing the tie color, or you can go a little further.  In the colder months, you can add a sweater on top of the white shirt to, again bring out a brand new outfit.  

Thursday comes and there is that white shirt sitting there, make sure there aren't any food stains or odors coming from the shirt, if there is ... then you have to ditch this plan and actually iron another shirt.  But if you're still alright and the shirt looks clean, then add a simple sweater vest to it to jazz it up.  No one will be the wiser and no one will notice that it's the same white shirt since Monday.  Guaranteed!

Friday, almost home free!  Put that clean looking white shirt on one more time, don't put a tie on, don't put a sweater on or a vest even, we're going to go a step up and add a nice suit jacket to the onsamble!  If you want to make the best impression, add a different colored tie too.  See now the white shirt again is forgotten and the only thing people can focus on is you're wearing a suit on a Friday!  Wow you must be a real good employee when you're wearing a suit (and possibly a tie) to the last workday of the week.  Either that or you must be meeting with someone important or you yourself are very important!

You see what we just did here, we were able to pull of wearing the same white button down shirt for a five day work week without having to iron.  It's just like a magician, you need to direct the attention away from the meat of he trick.  So divert the attention away from the white shirt with the sweaters, the ties, the vest and the suit jacket.  Remember the key thing is to keep the shirt stain and odor free, that's the key.  If there is a stain, it will easily be remembered ... "hey Bob, didn't you stop that slice of pizza on yourself yesterday?  That stain looks like it's in the same spot" ... bam your cover is blown!  

There you have it, if you can pull this off, come Friday when you're heading home, you'll feel this sense of accomplishment, just make sure that you wash that shirt well during laundry day because going more than one week will not be good.  It will take David Cooperfield to pull that off and I don't think we're even close to that level.  Don't get overconfident, that's what causes the downfall of most people trying this.  

+ mon

Finding those Options, that Hope

So I was talking to a friend of mine today and I was asked "has been ever been a time in your life when you started to lose faith?"

The answer to this question for me, and I think it goes for a lot of people is yes.  But it goes beyond answering the simple question, and goes into finding out why the question was asked in the first place.  Then it comes to how to deal with it and what solutions can be found to deal with the issue.

People sometimes ask me how I do the things I do, meaning how do I deal with things that are tragic, or how I deal with things so lightly.  I think some people only see the times when I'm getting to the point of being alright again, and not at that point where I'm breaking down, but those times of breakdown do exist.

There have been more than a few times where I've almost lost faith, and lost my hope in a better tomorrow.  But as the saying goes, it's not the number of times you fall, but it's the number of times you get up.  That saying has been used from so many different angles, from basketball, to religious views, to just personal matters.  It's everywhere, and the reason it's everywhere is because it's definitely true.

I think as humans, we tend to take things in all at once.  When we have problems we take it all in, and let it envelop us and even sometimes take over our lives.  I've been through that a lot, where it's taken a toll on everything else around me, which is something that's quite dangerous.  Along the way of my tragic moments, I've learned to try to take things one at a time.  It's similar to those fight scenes in movies, you know the ones where there's a group of people against one person.  The group will attack the one person one at a time so that the single person can deal with all the attackers.  That's how I try to deal with problems, and how I think people should deal with them as well.  We will always have issues and problems in our lives, be it from an outside source or something we made happen ourselves is no difference, it's how we react to them is what counts.  As I told my friend you need to focus on the 1st problem before moving onto the 2nd and 3rd problem.  Sure problems don't come one at a time and instead come in packs, but it's up to us to get them on the individual level.  How can we solve the 1st problem, when all we're thinking about the 2nd and 3rd problems we have?  The answer is we don't and can't.  Well some people might be able to, but not as effective as dealing with the problems one at a time.  If we can't find a solution to the 1st problem, then we move onto the 2nd and not worry about the 1st until we know that we have a plan of action against it.  Dealing with one thing at a time makes things so much easier to handle.

I consider myself a pretty religious person, and one of the things that happens when we have problems and issues is we often ask the question "why?"  We wonder why us, why now, we're the "good" people so why are we being "punished" and the list of quetsions goes on and on.  Honestly, we never really know the entire picture of why something is happening, ever.  We might know, or think we know why something is happening, but in reality we can only see it from our point of view.  A lot of friends tend to ask the questions of why it's happening to them, instead of taking that step back to see a bigger picture of the situation.  They focus on the part that involves them, and only them directly, why because that's how we are as humans.  Sometimes we miss the other things that are thrown into the mix because we're so focused on one part.  Then this is where we start to get into conflicts with each other, and even with God.  We start to blame Him for the things that are happening, and we also decide that He's forgotten about us.

I don't think that's the case at all.  He has told us that He gives us trials and tests in our lives to see how strong our faith is in Him.  We need to see that when we're given hardships in our lives, it's our chance to shine through it all and not stick in a corner and complain as to why we were dealt a bad hand.  He gives them to us to see us perceviere through this time, and usually we go through all the crap because He wants us to deal with it at that moment, so that when He does give us the brighter side of things, we'll appreciate it more, and we won't take it for granted.  We are given these things to make us stronger individuals, families and most of the time we miss it.  These aren't bad times, rather these are opportunities for us to come through a better person, come through as a better family.

The reason we don't see all this is that we keep those blinders on and we don't see how far the ripples extend.  We don't see that the ripples we caused in that stagnant pond go into another little lake or pond.

A friend of mine said that when we're at our lowest, those are the times that we can get the closest to God that we ever will.  I am proof of this, as when I was the lowest in my life, when everything seemed over for me, I was able to see Him clearly.  It was strange, but I was able to hear Him better, and I was able to interact with Him in a such a way that I have never been before.

Just to clarify, when I mention Him I'm talking about God, not some male friend, or boyfriend because I'm not gay, not that there's anything wrong with it!

You know that saying, make the best of the situation?  Well that's what should be done in most cases, if we are faced with something that is beyond our control, such as trying to find a new job and getting it.  Trying to find a job nowadays can be really hard given the economy, and people can't get on themselves if they didn't get the position because 9 times out of 10, they didn't get the job for other reasons, for financial reasons - be it someone came in asking for a lower rate, or someone who is just barely qualified being hired as opposted to someone that has everything going for them.  So we can't get down on ourselves about this, and also, remember take it as an opportunity.  If you're unemployed, just do what you can for your parents, for your siginicant other, for yourself.  Moping around and feeling bad for yourself will really get you nowhere, again, it's how many times we stand up and get up from situations that counts.

All that I've said here can really be summed up into a short paragraph.  That when times are hard, handle your issues and problems one by one, instead of everything at once.  In doing so, it will help other things in your life fall into place.   Don't try to figure out the reasons for why things are going badly, or why you deserve or don't deserve this, because we really don't know what the reasons are until we take that step back from the situation.  Trying to understand the reasons and the why's, won't work out too well since you'll now be focusing on the questions rather, than tackling the actual issue(s).  Be strong and know that these trials and tests are simply an opportunity to shine!  There's this song that reminds me of this ... Getting Better by the Beattles ... You've got to admit it's getting better geting better all the time ...

+ mon