It's Been a While

About eight days since my last entry and it's because there has been a lot going on so here I am now ... posting about the happenings.

Over a week since my last entry and it's mostly because I've been trying to help one of my best friends go through something that I went through more than two years ago.  

As I was home I got a call from G asking if I could make my way over to NJ to help them out a bit.  Just some history, his father had undergone a triple bypass and was in rehab for almost two weeks.  There in rehab he was doing fine, we even went there to visit him and my dad and his dad were comparing scars from their bypass.  I felt left out when they were doing this, so naturally I walked to the foot of the bed and lifted my shirt up as well just to join in the comparison.  

It was extremely sudden when we heard the news that his dad had gone into a coma and there was no explanation as to the real reason why, I still don't think that there is one.  

When G called me Tuesday of last week, he told me that the doctors are only giving his dad about one or two days left.  Thinking back to my mom, the doctors had told us that she had about three to six months left and I think they always over estimate for the best case scenario.  When we got to the hospital in Jersey, I ended up taking Diday with me, just so I didn't go solo, we saw the family and everyone was understandably shaken up.  They were just going to spend time with him by his bedside until that time came.  

Visiting Tito Louie there and seeing him in the bed, it gave me flashbacks of my mom and I just tried to be "strong" for G and his family.  It's different for me now, I have a different view of death ever since my mom's passing, but regardless of my views, losing a loved one hurts tremendously.  

Seeing the family going through the various emotions that come with it, and trying your best to comfort them is always difficult, there are never words that are enough to help.  Tito Louie passed away later that night at around 12:25am.  The typical words of "condolence" or "I'm sorry" filled my head and that's what I wanted to say, but if I did it would just be because it was the normal thing to do.  I can never find the words when it comes to a friend of mine losing someone ... even that phrase "losing someone" speaks volumes of how we as a society view death.  It's not really losing a person when they die, it's a long vacation until everyone is reunited again ... yes I do believe that there is a heaven and hopefully we can all get there.  

There was nothing I could say, and all I could do was be there for them.  

When the wake came around, I went to give my respect and support, and remembered that the priest told us that the funeral and everything else is for the family and friends and not really for the one who passed away.  It was a time where everyone should be there and pray for the family now.  

One thing about wakes and funerals that I've noticed is that it's a big reunion, that always seems to be the case.  People who you haven't seen for years will show up and it will be like old times, even for those few moments.  

The sadness of having someone pass away is definitely there, but when I pass I think I want things to be different.  Instead of all the sadness, I want there to be laughing and smiling all around.  This is where my view of death is now, it used to be something that just sucked.  Where it's going to happen and we have to deal with it and also deal with "losing" someone.  But now I see it as a blessing, it happens when it happens and there isn't a way to stop it.  When it's your time, it's your time.  

I see it as a transition now, from this life we have here on earth to whatever it is that comes after.  Be it heaven with the white clouds and the golden gates, or something different.  I do believe there's something after and that all the loved ones are reunited during that time.  Although we will miss those that pass before us, there's going to be a time when we see them again and it's just a temporary thing.

When I was a kid I remember Tito Louie because I used to go to G's house a lot.  There were times when I would sleep over and the morning would be great with his breakfast cooked and ready to go as soon as we woke up.  There was also that basketball hoop that he made for G in the backyard, that was something that I also loved because I would dunk on it since it was our height.  So many different memories and one memory that sticks out is when I was at G's house and we were having a practice session for DJing.  He came into the room at around 1am and asked us what we were doing and took an interest in it ... his one remark that will play in my head forever is "where's your um-flee?" meaning to ask us where our amplifier was.  There he stood in the doorway in nothing more than his briefs.  The reason this is one of the moments that I won't forget is because this is how my dad is with me, very comfortable.  

With the passing of my mom, it opened my eyes to the importance of my parents more.  I guess that's one of the reasons why I push my friends and the youth I work with to be with their parents more because they don't know when the time is going to be up.  Ever since my mom, I've taken as much time possible to spend with my dad.  Just being at home and us watching the dumbest of movies, or watching a basketball game together means the world to me.  The first night after the wake we went home and it was just him and I again.  That night was the boxing match and there were a few places closeby to watch it, but he was tired and didn't want to go.  So we ended up ordering the fight to watch, just the two of us and it was nice to bond in that way.  My dad and I with my sister on the phone, screaming our heads off and enjoying the fight and moreso each other's company.  For me it's time well spent, instead of me going out and hanging out, I know that my time with my dad is limited especially since he goes back to Philippines often, so whatever time I do get with him is important to me.  

I know G had a lot of great memories with Tito Louie, and I do hope that I can continue to create more with my dad.  Tito Louie treated me like a son everytime I was around, and I will miss him dearly, from his cooking, to his carpentry, to his hats, and Christmas creations the list of the things missed will go on.  May he rest in peace and may his family find comfort as well.

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