- Journal

As I was writing the last entry, it got me thinking about this topic and I wanted to start writing about it now instead of waiting till later. We all know how that works right ... we read or do something then we tell ourselves, or make a mental note to "reply later" or something similar. Then a few hours go by, a day, a week and then months and we're still telling ourselves that we will do it later ... so I'm doing it now.

Here I am a 29 year old, who's working and volunteering with this church/youth group. A lot of the "kids" are just getting into college, so they are 18-20 years old. It's usually a weekly basis that I see these kids and usually we hang out a lot. Go to the movies, get some Korean BBQ, play some Rockband2, watch movies at my house or whatever it is ...

Sometimes I wonder to myself when I am with them is if they feel that I'm one of their friends, or if I'm just a chaperone. Someone who is the driver and isn't really part of the "group." I can't help but wonder that sometimes just because of the age gap, but I already know that I am part of them and the age isn't an issue. Well at least I hope I'm right about that.

I mean how many people do you know hang out, like really hang out on a regular basis with people who are 10 years younger. Well you know at least one, and that's me. It's funny how I can relate and how I can sort of see them at the same age level ... that's one thing I really like about myself, is that I don't ever want to fully grow up!

I want that childlike feeling of being open to do anything and everything, of being innocent and not being afraid of getting hurt, and seeing what the immediate world around you has to offer. I like the kid in me that never is afraid to come out.

So as the hang outs continue and we all grow older, I'll probably start to wonder if they don't mind hanging out with a 40 year old when they are all 30. But then again, it doesn't matter to me because I'll always be a child at heart.

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Ramblings

Tuesday

Mar032009

Feel the Heat

Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 11:35PM

It's been a while since I've been excited ... about Holy Week. Well it's obvious because the last time I went was last year, but it's different this year. I guess in the past few months I've felt spiritually empty and dry, no one to blame but myself. Well this time around I feel it again, I feel that burning inside.

I'm not sure what it is, or if it's even just one single thing. Most likely it's a combination of a few things, one being that I went to confession on Friday and I'm still doing good since then - usually I'll fall within a few hours of confession, or even less! Another factor could be that there are a good amount of youth that are going to California for Holy Week this year!

So far there are 7 or 8 of us that are going, and about 7 of us on the same flight going there! It's going to be a party plane on that Virgin America flight :)

My only hope is that my spiritual prep continues to do as well as it's been for the past few days. There's still a long way to go ... it's just the start, but feeling that fire within is definitely a good way to start.

Another big factor that I think is helping this fire go is seeing the kids. See when I say kids, I'm referring to the 18, 19 and 20 year olds that I hang out with all the time. Seeing Emil getting hyped about the past meeting and the upcoming events including HW is exciting! Also knowing that the kids are doing what they can to try and make it even though there is a good amount of money involved in flying over there ... it's inspiring. Hearing them say simple things like "I'm going no matter what" and even if they have to miss school (like they are going to actually miss being in class!).

As someone once told me ... do I really want to throw gas on that flame? The answer is obvious.

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