Dizziness? No!

The L train broke again and here I am on the M line waiting for the train. If you haven't been on the M line its in Brooklyn and its on one of those raised platforms that are outdoors, similar to the 7 train.

So here I am on the platform, I feel a sudden shaking and it feels as though I'm really dizzy. Uh oh I hope its not my high bloop pressure!

I find a seat and I still feel dizzy. Now I'm wondering if someone is shaking the bench but everyone is sill.

Now I realize after seeing the light fixture above me move back and forth like a pendulum that the platform is moving! The whole thing is shaking and there aren't even any trains passing by!

Thoughts of this collapsing fill my head and are nothing but negative thoughts. But then another part of my brain kicks in and if it does collapse and somehow make it out alive, then I'll be a millionaire! I won't need Monica anymore :) I wonder what happened to her??

Its funny how my mind works sometimes and what I think about. Sorry for this entry that had no point to it, I just had to share the moving platform.

+ mon

Don't Force the Square Piece into the Circle

One of my pet peeves on the subway is when there is room for just one more person in the seat, and a person who knows they take up more than one spot on the train tries to get in!  I'm not making fun of people who are large or overweight, heck I'm overweight and large myself!  All I'm saying is that people need to have some common courtesy where they don't try to squeeze into a space they can't, it's the same with a parking spot!

Boarding the L train at the last stop, I get a seat right away and there's still a lot of room on the train.  As we pck up more people on the trip, the train fills up and this cute little italian lady ends up sitting next to me, she was pretty nice too as she chit chatted with me for a little while until we both ended up falling asleep.  Nice way to end the day and just waited to get home to chillax.

As italian lady and I slept on the subway side by side, but not too close, out of nowhere we were both awakened as I was crushed on the bars and italian lady (let's call her Bella) started to forge into my right side.  I barely had enough room to turn my head to see what was going on, at first it was the feeling of when the train suddenly moves from a dead stop and everyone moves towards the back of the train from the momentum shift ... but then I was able to peak over Bella's head and see this huge mass of a man that had somehow calculated himself to be smaller than reality and pushed that square piece into the hole of a circle!

He was massive, I should have asked for Bella's real name because being that close to someone, it's only right that you know their name, and even moreso take her out to dinner first!  She smelled like dove shampoo btw, for those of you who were wondering.  With each breathe massive man took, it's as if there was less room for Bella and I, there wasn't even any room for me to get up out of my seat to offer whatever room I was taking up to her. 

Bella was in a better position and she popped herself up and got out of the seat.  With that there was the deep breathes we took as we separated our bodies, only a few more minutes of that and we wouldn't have been able to leave each others side for the rest of our lives - I wasn't goign to complain!

No goodbyes from Bella or myself, as I'm sure we were both just glad to be able to breathe.  But massive man was just chillin' as if there was no issue whatsoever.  He even fell asleep on the train ... and well this following picture is his picture.  There are no camera tricks, he was actually that large and took up that much space!

After the train cleared out and Bella left.  I saw that there was bout a foot and a half of space that was available.  So I just really don't know how this guy miscalculated his own mass.  Anyhow, this ordeal left me scared ... I have bar marks on the left side of my body and missing Bella!

+ mon

Wrong Place and Wrong Time

You know me ... I'm an eater, a big eater and I really don't have any "rules" about eating, but I do have one.  Subways are off limits with me eating, there's just something about the place of the subway that's dirty and sometimes the people that are in the train with you.

As I sit there minding my own business (after taking the picture of the guys crotch), I look across from me and see this lady just sitting there.  The train was a little crowded and people were around her, but she decides to whip out a sandwich!

Comeon now!  That sandwich is sacred and should be treated as such, but I guess when you're hungry, you're hungry and who am I to argue with that? 

She ends up eating the whole sandwich ... well most of the sandwich in "stealth" mode.  Taking little bites as if she's really not and trying to hide the fact that there's a sandwich in her hand.  All the dirty particles from the subway and the people who are in it, and have been there, are now sticking to that sandwich. 

The sandwich is consumes almost fully before I get off my stop, lucky for me since I get to take another picture of her making "baon" (doggy bag) with some of the sandwich.  I guess she was saving it for a late snack, but she kept some of the turkey on her jacket.

See I'm not that mean where I'll take pictures of you eating on the subway, complain and blog about it, without telling you that there's some meat on your jacket!  Comeon now people, I had to tell her!  If I didn't, she would have gotten up, that piece of meat would have fallen on the floor and it would have just gone to waste!

Here I am, trying to make eye contact with her to let her know that there's something on her jacket.  She is refusing to make eye contact with me, so I wave my hand towards her and point to her jacket and then do a gesture of me brushing it off the jacket (using my own jacket as an example).  Miscommunication is one of the things that cause a lot of conflicts and there was a big miscommunication with her last night.  Apparently she thought I was asking for some food!  But to her credit, she was nice enough to just offer some even though she didn't know me.  There was some left in her plastic wrap and she reached out to give me the rest ... but I said no.  Everyone on the train was now looking at us having this pantomime conversation only using our hands and gestures. 

After a few back and forths, I again signal to her jacket where she finally sees the meat.  With some embarassment (but not that much embarassment) she picked it up and ate whatever was left on her jacket.  For the next 2 minutes of my train ride, she refused to make eye contact or even say thank you as she was probably embarassed from the whole ordeal.

Geeze, I can only imagine what kind of dirtiness she ate with that sandwich!  And she had the nerve to offer me some ... trying to make me break my one and only rule about food!  For shame sandwich eaten on the subway lady!  For shame!

+ mon

Free Falling

This has happened to everyone so you can't say that this hasn't happened to you.  It's when you fall asleep and then you suddenly wake up because you have that feeling of falling ... ahhh yes that feeling.

Well it's all good and dandy, and quite normal for us to have that reaction and feeling when we do fall asleep.  But it's not good when you're in public or around people in close quarters!

As usual I fell asleep on the train.  I was sitting in those two seater seats so I could lay my head on the bars without falling on the person next to me.  Had a nice sleep going and all of a sudden I had that falling down feeling, you're probably dying with anticipation as to what I did next huh? 

So sleeping there and as I was waking up from the falling down feeling, I hop in my seat, so I got about 1 or 2 inches of air off of the seat, but that wasn't the "big deal."  The big deal was when I did that, my arms kind of went and did their own thing.  I ended up throwing an elbow into the arm of the person next to me!!!

I'm just glad that it wasn't some thug or someone who was capable of kicking my (_|_).  It was some spanish guy who seemed very quiet and all. 

As I hopped in my seat with my arms going crazy, my eyes opened since I suddenly woke up.  I realized that I just hit the guy next to me so I pretended to go back to sleep!  While my eyes were open for all of two seconds, I did notice that everyone was looking at me and the guy next to me made a grunting noise as I hit him.  While I was fake sleeping I could hear him rubbing his arm on top of his jacket assuming that was where I elbowed him.  I heard people laughing as I faked sleeping again ... only to fall back asleep and almost missing my stop!

Ahhh well just another story to add to my book.  I hope that spanish guy is alright, dang it'll be awkward if I ever see him again.  I'm sure he'll remember that guy who elbowed him for no reason.

+ mon

Musical Subway Chairs

We've all been through this, or seen this where people fight to get a seat on the subway, well not fight, but sometimes we just walk faster than anyone else.  I don't think there's going to be a point to this topic but again this is just me rambling about my daily experiences.

So here we are, paying our $2.00 to get into the subway, well for that amount of money, I better get a seat!  You know about a hundred other people are thinking the same way, and especially the "older" people.

There have been so many times where I've gotten on the train, and after taking it day in and out, I kind of know where the train doors will stop so I can be the first one in, that an older lady (it's usually a lady) will try to squeeze in right next to me or even in front of me to get in that door first.  It doesn't matter if I've been standing there in the same spot for 10 minutes waiting for the train.  It doesn't even matter if there are people who are trying to get out of the train, they will stand there as if no one else exists and try to get into the train car while people are going in. 

The reason for this ... to get that most desired place on the train, the empty seat.

It's not hard to find these seat scavengers, that's right I call them seat scavengers!  They'll fight their way to the seat no matter what, whatever the cost.  Be it elbowing someone or "accidently" stepping on someone's foot, or just standing 2 inches in front of them as the train doors open.  It's survival of the fittest here.

You may think that this battle ends when you have won the seat and are sitting down, but think again!  The battle rages on even passed that, and it is no longer a physical war, but now it's a mental battle and sometimes emotions come into play as well. 

I have bared witness to many older people (again mostly ladies!) stand directly in front of you after you have been able to get a seat.  They will stand directly in front of you, almost in your lap, sometimes even with a leg in between yours, and wait ... and wait ... and wait until you are weakened by their fragile appearance and want to give your seat up to this elderly person who is swinging back and forth on this pole like a flag.

There have been instances where that person would stand in front of me and start to rub their knees or look like they are in pain, all this to get me to give my seat up.  But only the strong survive, and I have to be strong at these times.  The worst part is when there's a very attractive lady sitting next to you (only for an instant) who seems this, and sees that you're not a gentleman willing to give up their seat, then that lady gives their seat to the elderly person posing as someone in pain!  What can you do in that situation?  You can't necessarily get up and offer your seat to that lady ...

Some people who read this and are not from NYC might think that this is all a bunch of hogwash, that it's as simple as getting an empty seat or standing there, well that my friends is just false!  The battle for a seat in the subway is real and I have been on the frontlines day in and day out.

The enemies vary ... the elderly who cut you off for the seat, the elderly who stay watch as close as posslble to you and entice you with their pain and agony, the ghetto people who spread their legs as far apart as possible (maybe to keep their fat balls from sweating ... sorry that was uncalled for but this topic gets me upset!), the people who fake falling asleep while taking up more than one seat, the ones who set their bags in the seat next to them, the people with strollers who think that just because you have a stroller entitles you to have two seats, the ghetto person counting on their look to scare you away from even attempting to fit into that small space they left you to fit part of your butt. 

All these enemies come in differnt shapes and forms, but those above are the most common of them!  This is a battle that I refuse to give up on ... after all I did pay my $2.00.  If there's a seat, regardless if I'm going to race for it, squeeze into it, or wake someone up to get it, I will do what I have to do.

But the game is over when you are faced with the big boss in this game.  It's a battle that you cannot win, when you are facing the pregnant lady.  There is almost no way around this, especially if you're running after one open seat and that lady incorporates the elderly tactic of pain and close contact, how can you not give up that seat. 

I have the answer because I have done it many times before, and you might think of me as a barbarian for this and for not giving up my seat to a pregnant lady, but the secret is to not make any eye contact.  To look in the total opposte direction of this enemy combatant. 

Or you could just be nice and offer that pregnant lady your seat, and sometimes you'll get lucky and they will tell you that it's alright.  So you've come out of the situation as a gentleman and you get to keep your seat!  But remember this my friends, this does not come often, so when the day comes that this comes to you, remember it and cherish it!

+ mon

Knocked Out!

I lied, I am going to post now before I forget the topic ...

Ok ... don't deny this happening to you because you know it's happened a few times, well at least once.  So you're in the subway, and you're tired from a long day at work, or just hanging out, or it could even be the morning commute.  You also happen to be one of the lucky ones that get a seat, and you can't just help it but you close your eyes to the music of the train stations going by and the "ding dong" sound of the doors closing. 

You fall into a semi deep sleep, and you start to dream about whatever comes to mind, but it's usually something weird.  Next thing you know you wake up ... you're not sitting straight anymore, but you find yourself at a 45 degree angle almost on top of your neighbor!

Yes this has happened to you before!  Admit it ... please it'll make me feel better!

So today on the train going home, I found my seat and closed my eyes.  I knew I was going to fall asleep, as I do everyday, but I wasn't expecting what was to come.  I woke up about one stop later to a lady trying to sit down, but either I was too far over on her side, or her right butt cheek was too big and fell onto my left leg.  She squeezed in and I went back to sleep, on the right side of me were two high school girls just talking and joking around.  I drifted into dreamland and started to have some really crazy dreams, I think I actually incorporated the things the two high school girls were saying into my dream.  Then I woke up!  I woke up in the 45 degree angle towards the two girls, and to them laughing hysterically at me who was about to fall on the one sitting next to me.  I clearly remember hearing the one standing up saying ... "alright here we go here we go, watch him watch him!" ... then again "he's almost there, awwww" as I woke up. 

To add to the humiliation, I woke up with a cold spot on my chin as the drool came out of my mouth!  So as I apologized to the two girls, I had to take a slurp and quickly wipe my chin.  You'd think I would have learned from that experience ... but no, I was still 4 stops away, that's a good 5-10 minutes left, so I closed my eyes again, but this time making sure the back of my head was against the train.

Well this isn't the first time this has happened.  It seemd that the subway has become my second bedroom.  There was another time where I fell asleep on a crowded train going home, and I woke up to the sound of "if this motherf**ker touches me one more time ..." and again at the famous 45 degree angle.  I look to my left and see two girls staring at me with the most evil of eyes, as I try my best to play it off that I wasn't falling asleep on her, and that I wasn't sleeping at all, but that it was actually the train stopping and going that made my body fall in that direction! 

Ahhh yes, the infamous coverup!  Using the motion of the train to disguise that 45 sleep position ... I've done it many a times.

We can't forget about the sleeping while standing now can we?!  I haven't seen this done as much, but when you're there just standing, either against the door or just holding onto the poles, then you close your eyes for a quick second, next thing you know your knees give out from you falling asleep and you do this little jerking motion as you fall downward and quickly wake back up!  What a wonderful sight that is to see when I do that.  And of course, I try to play it off with the motion of the train, even though we could have been at a stop with the doors open. 

Well those are the quick stories that I had and I'm sure there will be more since it's not 1:30am and I'm going to be sleepy on the train again.  Onto my first bed for a few hours, then I'll be moving onto the second bed on the way to work (actually, that got me remembering that I do have a third bed ... I'll blog about that later, but the third bed is at work!).

Gotta try and stay awake on the train like this guy!

+ mon