Knowing is Half the Battle

Living in NYC we become accustomed to seeing these "DVD" stores that used to be peepshows and other adult related materials are sold there.  But since the "cleanup" I think a lof of these places cleaned up their act and actually sold real movies ... or so I thought!

Being a big movie buff I wanted to buy a new Blu-Ray movie and was just walking to the subway.  There wasn't any Best Buy's around for me to get anything, so I saw one of those "DVD" stores and took a walk to the front door.  All the stickers on the window was saying they sell all movies and then I saw one that said "Blu-Ray" and so I decided to pay a visit.  

This is very important to know ... the stores in New York City that have neon flashing lights and stickers on their windows advertising how they sell all types and all movies, while having no view into the store from the street, DO NOT SELL REGULAR MOVIES!!!!  

I found out the hard way last night.  As I opened the front door I was greeted to a huge picture of a person that was in an uncomfortable looking position from a not so flaterring angle.  Quickly I went to the counter and asked for their Blu-Ray section ... they pointed it out to me and I was still hopefully of finding "Slumdog Millionaire" since it was just released.  As I went one by one through the 30 or so Blu-Ray titles they had, all of them seemed to be pr0n!  Then I come across a movie that looked to be the "Slumdog Millionaire" ... but sadly it was not.  I'm not sure to the exact title but it was somewhere along the lines of "Doggystyle Millionaire" ... 

So if you're looking for a movie that's real and something that's in the movie theaters, or on DVD from Blockbuster, then don't go into these stores!  

I still feel dirty from being in there and seeing some of the things I have seen.  I guess yesterday was a day where I started with a locker room full of wangs, to being in a video store that had nothing but horrible images, then to having an embossed wang from the painted jeans.  

A shower is desperately needed!

+ mon

Don't Force the Square Piece into the Circle

One of my pet peeves on the subway is when there is room for just one more person in the seat, and a person who knows they take up more than one spot on the train tries to get in!  I'm not making fun of people who are large or overweight, heck I'm overweight and large myself!  All I'm saying is that people need to have some common courtesy where they don't try to squeeze into a space they can't, it's the same with a parking spot!

Boarding the L train at the last stop, I get a seat right away and there's still a lot of room on the train.  As we pck up more people on the trip, the train fills up and this cute little italian lady ends up sitting next to me, she was pretty nice too as she chit chatted with me for a little while until we both ended up falling asleep.  Nice way to end the day and just waited to get home to chillax.

As italian lady and I slept on the subway side by side, but not too close, out of nowhere we were both awakened as I was crushed on the bars and italian lady (let's call her Bella) started to forge into my right side.  I barely had enough room to turn my head to see what was going on, at first it was the feeling of when the train suddenly moves from a dead stop and everyone moves towards the back of the train from the momentum shift ... but then I was able to peak over Bella's head and see this huge mass of a man that had somehow calculated himself to be smaller than reality and pushed that square piece into the hole of a circle!

He was massive, I should have asked for Bella's real name because being that close to someone, it's only right that you know their name, and even moreso take her out to dinner first!  She smelled like dove shampoo btw, for those of you who were wondering.  With each breathe massive man took, it's as if there was less room for Bella and I, there wasn't even any room for me to get up out of my seat to offer whatever room I was taking up to her. 

Bella was in a better position and she popped herself up and got out of the seat.  With that there was the deep breathes we took as we separated our bodies, only a few more minutes of that and we wouldn't have been able to leave each others side for the rest of our lives - I wasn't goign to complain!

No goodbyes from Bella or myself, as I'm sure we were both just glad to be able to breathe.  But massive man was just chillin' as if there was no issue whatsoever.  He even fell asleep on the train ... and well this following picture is his picture.  There are no camera tricks, he was actually that large and took up that much space!

After the train cleared out and Bella left.  I saw that there was bout a foot and a half of space that was available.  So I just really don't know how this guy miscalculated his own mass.  Anyhow, this ordeal left me scared ... I have bar marks on the left side of my body and missing Bella!

+ mon

Wrong Place and Wrong Time

You know me ... I'm an eater, a big eater and I really don't have any "rules" about eating, but I do have one.  Subways are off limits with me eating, there's just something about the place of the subway that's dirty and sometimes the people that are in the train with you.

As I sit there minding my own business (after taking the picture of the guys crotch), I look across from me and see this lady just sitting there.  The train was a little crowded and people were around her, but she decides to whip out a sandwich!

Comeon now!  That sandwich is sacred and should be treated as such, but I guess when you're hungry, you're hungry and who am I to argue with that? 

She ends up eating the whole sandwich ... well most of the sandwich in "stealth" mode.  Taking little bites as if she's really not and trying to hide the fact that there's a sandwich in her hand.  All the dirty particles from the subway and the people who are in it, and have been there, are now sticking to that sandwich. 

The sandwich is consumes almost fully before I get off my stop, lucky for me since I get to take another picture of her making "baon" (doggy bag) with some of the sandwich.  I guess she was saving it for a late snack, but she kept some of the turkey on her jacket.

See I'm not that mean where I'll take pictures of you eating on the subway, complain and blog about it, without telling you that there's some meat on your jacket!  Comeon now people, I had to tell her!  If I didn't, she would have gotten up, that piece of meat would have fallen on the floor and it would have just gone to waste!

Here I am, trying to make eye contact with her to let her know that there's something on her jacket.  She is refusing to make eye contact with me, so I wave my hand towards her and point to her jacket and then do a gesture of me brushing it off the jacket (using my own jacket as an example).  Miscommunication is one of the things that cause a lot of conflicts and there was a big miscommunication with her last night.  Apparently she thought I was asking for some food!  But to her credit, she was nice enough to just offer some even though she didn't know me.  There was some left in her plastic wrap and she reached out to give me the rest ... but I said no.  Everyone on the train was now looking at us having this pantomime conversation only using our hands and gestures. 

After a few back and forths, I again signal to her jacket where she finally sees the meat.  With some embarassment (but not that much embarassment) she picked it up and ate whatever was left on her jacket.  For the next 2 minutes of my train ride, she refused to make eye contact or even say thank you as she was probably embarassed from the whole ordeal.

Geeze, I can only imagine what kind of dirtiness she ate with that sandwich!  And she had the nerve to offer me some ... trying to make me break my one and only rule about food!  For shame sandwich eaten on the subway lady!  For shame!

+ mon

Painted on Jeans

There was a time in High School when we would see these girls that had the tightest of jeans we've ever seen, I'm not saying this in a good way, it wasn't as if it was sexy as they were wearing tights.  Instead it was a bit disturbing and I always wondered how they got into and out of those jeans, all I knew was that the seams on those jeans must have been sewn together with fishing wire and there must have been some crazy stress tests going before selling them. 

When I saw Dudoy start to rock the tight jeans, I was a bit worried ... my nephew wearing jeans that were so tight that his boys were embossed for the world to see.  Well luckily he's changed his ways, somewhat and gotten jeans that are a little roomier in the crotchal region.

It always amazes me what I see on the train that I have to be ready at all times for possible picture opportunities ... and last night was a good night.  I know that the following picture is probably grounds for comments regarding me taking pictures of other guys' "areas" but I felt the need to have to share this with all of you ... and provide you with a visual aid since the entry wouldn't be the same without them.

This isn't exactly painted on, but for a guy, this is as close as it gets.  I think you can see it in the picture, but there's some good embossing on there.  I guess it goes with the locker room, some people have no shame, or maybe that's exactly what this guy wants!?

In any case, if you do have tight pants and rock them ... just becareful of the outlines that it shows, and becareful of people like me who like to talk about anything that's on their mind.  Beware the painted on jeans, and if Dudoy is reading this ... watch out man!  This is what people could be seeing when you're standing in front of them, let alone when you sit down and then the pants get tighter around that area!

+ mon

Curse Peripheral Vision and being too Observant

I've been looking for an indoor basketball court for the longest time that is close by so I can go there and shoot around or play some ball during the work day.  After YEARS of searching, I finally found one at the West 56th street Health and Racquet Club, it's only a half court (actually it's the size of a racquet ball court with the rim mounted on the side, so more of a 1/3 court).  

To add to that, I found out that my firm has a corporate membership so it's cheaper and we also get the week free pass.  

It's been a week of me trying to get over there, but things have been a little crazy here at work (hence the less entries this week), so a coworker of mine and I decided to meet there at 8am this morning.  Alright, if anyone knows me, 8am during the work week is the time when I'm pressing snooze waiting for the 8:30am alarm to go off.  We made a deal that if I wasn't there on time I owe him $20, and he gave me a grace period of ten minutes.  

I guess the me of old came shining through as I was excited to play basketball before.  In my "prime" (damn you know you're old when you say that) I used to wake up 7am during summer vacation and bike 30-45 minutes to play basketball the whole day with my friends.  I wasn't even confident that I was going to make it this morning either, I got home at 11:30pm from the volleyball game last night.  One two different occasions, 5am and 6am I woke up because I was excited to play bball, even if it's just to shoot around.  

Turns out that I made it there at 8:09am!  

Alright, so I haven't been to a gym in over 4 years, meaning the gym with locker rooms and people changing, etc.  So here I was sitting in the locker room putting my things in the locker, I'm not used to having naked people around me ... and when it's men, it's just that much more uncomfortable.  I'm minding my own business and I used to love my peripheral vision and the fact that I observe things that other people don't pick up on, but not today.  I was surrounded by wangs!  As I sat there putting on my sneakers, an older man behind me (who was dressed when I first got there) was but naked!  It was about 5 inches between me and the ridiculously hairy (_|_) and I quickly jumped up when I noticed.  

It was like a bad dream for me (well not really because I never have had any dreams like that)!  Ever try to shut off a sense that you have, but it doesn't work ... that was me today.  All these images are burned into my brain right now, and I'm waiting for them to just go away, so I felt the need to share it with all of you!  There were all sorts of guys there ... an assortment if you will.  From the fit, to the not so fit, from the buff beef cakes, to the whoa what happened!?  There were also a lot of variations from the clean cut, to those who needed a body trimmer and some even lawn mowers.   It was pretty bad.

I tried my best to walk with my face looking up at the ceiling, but again the peripherals were a curse today.  Maybe this is why I never joined a gym?  Because I can't be around naked men!  Geeze, I feel like I have to apologize to my eyes for putting them into that kind of situation ... I'm sorry!

Will I go back?  I think I will ... maybe I'll just try to void the locker room altogether, but I still have to find a way to take a shower.  Some people have no shame!

+ mon

Update on Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 10:54AM by MONStar

I'm sure you guys are glad that I don't have any pictures associated with this post!

+ mon

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

I can smell the $7.5 million, it's right there!  Thanks to everyone who was telling me that this was a scam and for the heads up.  I've gotten these emails a few times already and figured they weren't legit, and they just want my info and money.  But I figured that I could see how far they would go to prove to me that they are legit and see how long and drawn out I can keep it going.  Maybe I'm doing something good by keeping their time occupied?  Instead of scamming someone who actually believes in it, they are talking to someone who knows it's fake and who is going to waste their time and in the process entertain you and me!

So here continues the saga of me in search of the $7.5M I've been promised.  She replied to me and this is her response:

Dear beloved,

Thanks for your reply to my email. i am writing you with all my hart for you to have all the hope in this tranfer may be God bring us together to help each other,money is not every thing,but God first.


I contacted you in a way after the transfer i shall come over to your country to be with you and continue my education while yo go on investing on my behalf.I have gone for this money but the bank told me that  the money is fixed deposite suspense account and my late  father left a writing  insructions that the money should be tranfer to a foreigner whom i have choosen to be my foreign guardian. It was because of this money that he was killied by his enenmies.
 
 
As you can see, this fund is very important to me and it is my only hope of survival. I want  to leave this country as soon as this fund gets to your account because my late fathers relatives are ready to see me dead so that all my late father's properties will be for them. They are one of the most wicked human beings that I have ever seen in this world. what is worst than people denying there own blood for the sake of earthly things and non of them cares about me.
 
 
They have tried many times to kill me but God have being on my side. Presentely, i am saying in a church guest house where no one can trace me easily to collect this deposite documents. Please I am begging you in the name of God to see me from the side of a desperate girl trying to secure her properties and a her brighter future. I will be happy if you can come down here to see things yourself.  i want you to send me your photo and your phone number for me to know your willingness to assist me. But before we proceed, I would want you to provide me with your sincere answer to this questions below before I can relaise the Fund Deposite Documents to you:
 
1)After the sucessfull transfer of this fund to your account, what area of business do you suggest that my percentage of this fund will be invested into with your kind assistance.
 
2)Will you be able to to direct me properly in terms of business investment in your country and manage the business for me atleast for two or three years to enable me finish my education and be familier with the environment and the business climate in your country.
 
3)Will you be able to assist me in getting his travelling documents to come over to your country after the fund is transfered to your account. What i want you to do is to assist me stand as my guardian and provide an account where this fund will transfered for investment. I have discussed about you with the bank manager, I expalined to him my intension of transfering this fund to your account and he have promised that as soon as you contact the bank, that he will direct you well on how to transfer this money to your account without any dealy.  I will send you the bank manager contact immedaitely if you promise not to betray me when this money gets to your account in your country, and do not forget to keep this beetween me and you untill this money is finaly tranfered to your account.
 
Reply me immediately with your full name and address and telephone number as soon as you read this email.


 yours beloved,
 
Miss Monica Sankara

She also attached her picture!  What a hottie ...

Well how do I say no to that ... and I had to send her back a reply:

Hey Monica,

Good to hear from you and I'm glad you got back to me.  I do hope that everything will be alright, and keep safe in the church that you're hiding in, I can only imagine the craziness that's going on right now especially with those who are trying to end your life.  I am worried about you and hope that no harm comes your way, please do what you can to stay away from those hooligans and mongers.  I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that everything will be alright for you there.

I do look forward  to you coming here and finally meeting in person.  I am curious, when you do move here, what kind of relation are you looking for with me ... would it be friends, business associates, or are you looking for a more romantic relationship?

Tell me a little more about yourself Monica, how old are you?  What is it that you like to do on your free time, and do you have any hobbies?  Were you working prior to your fathers death or were you in school?  Are you married, single, do you have any children?

1 - I would suggest that you invest your portion of the funds into the food industry.  As you know, people will never stop eating and I believe that the money is in the food industry since it will be an ongoing investment.
2 - I will definitely be able to help you with that and will be more than happy to do so.
3 - Yes I will be able to help you with that as well.

As for the information that you are asking from me, I believe that if we are going to have this business relationship, that we first get to know each other and get to know each other intimately.  I will give you the information you asked for, but let's talk a little more and if you have anymore pictures of yourself please do send them.  I look forward to your next email and for your answers to my questions that I asked in the above email.

I have also attached a picture of myself, it's a little blurry and taken last year but that is the best picture I can find of myself.  I hope my age does not turn you off, nor does my receding hairline.  I hope this email finds you safely and you keep safe.  Until our next email, I wait with baited breathe and with bells on.  Thank you for the picture, you are absolutely scrofulous and in slang terms that I have heard the kids use here ... you are absolutely and adorably fugly.

Until then Monica ... MY Monica ... would it be alright if I could call you mine?

Mr. S

And I also attached a picture of myself to wet her appetite, what do you think?

So we wait and see to where this leads and to see what Monika has in mind for Mr. S!  I'll keep this updated as much as I can.  As they say ... you're one step closer to a million dollars!

+ mon

Another Worst Feeling

The story of the morning actually started yesterday when I had some White Castle. We all know what happens after having that oh so wonderful burger, don't we? If you don't know, the only way to describe it is that it goes right through you right after you eat it and/or the day after.

So here I sit in a meeting today for about an hour blogging about instead of actually doing it.

I had a meeting first thing in the morning and tried to make my way for a White Castle deposit but my coworker was in the bathroom and started to chat with me at this point I couldn't just walk into the stall and let it out. Who knows what insane sounds might have accompanied the deposit. So instead I walk with him to the conference room and the meeting starts. Now I'm in a bind as I can't leave to go to the bathroom since my coworker just saw me. I'm sitting here barely listening to what is being said, instead my focus is on "holding it" until the meeting is done.

Goose bumps, yes, I think we all know this feeling. The feeling where you are just begging for more time and strength to keep it in. This is another one of those horrible feelings when you need to deuce it up but just can't get out of the situation for a while.

Yes I'm sure some of you are thinkg "wtf" or "that's nasty" but you know its happened to you in your life at least once! As a coworker once told me when she mentioned she had to go deuce and I made a comment, her response was "What?! You act like you've never had to take a sh*t!"

+ mon
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

911 for McNuggets!

Freakin awesome!

+ mon

WTF to my Ears?!

So I just got back from my morning duece here in the office ... in the stall next to me comes in someone who is doing the same as I.

This isn't a problem and is usually fine, until today.  I'm used to hearing all sorts of "regular" sounds that come along with the call from nature, but today had me in disbelief.

As I concentrate on the task at hand, my neighbor positions himself ... and what do I hear?  A big splash!  At first, I thought I was hearing something and let it go, then again a big splash!  Then another big splash!  It was one right after the other.

It's as if someone was throwing rocks into the toilet from about 20 feet away!  Either that, or this person was standing on the seat and dropping his load from about 6 or 7 feet above the seat.

Seriously, it was that loud!  Splash after splash ...

+ mon