Employees Must Wash Hands

This is something that I've experienced a few years ago, I don't think I wrote about this so I'm writing about it now.

It was a weekend where my sister was in town, she needed something from Walgreens so we drove over to the Elmhurst location.  This is the newer Walgreens along Broadway and not the older one that's closer to Broadway park. 

Just the typical trip to Walgreens, or so we thought.  As I pulled into the parking lot in the back of the building we were just chatting about a random subject.  From out of the corner of my eye I see something on the passenger side window.  There was a man there by in between the dumpsters, it didn't look like he was trying to hide, but he was just there ... squatting.  His pants were down and there was a small pile of ... well let's just say it looked like a chocolate soft server ice cream that you get from those Chinese buffet places. 

We made eye contact, I was shocked, he looked like he was in a rush but kept dispensing that chocolate soft serve. 

My sister and I were shocked but we went on our way and found a spot and went into the Walgreens.  Things were back to normal and this sight that we had just seen started to disappear from our brains.  I walk down one of the aisle, it was most likely the aisle with the potato chips, and I see this man standing at the very end.  Our eyes connected and it was the same man that I saw outside.  Both of us had that deer in headlights moment and we stood there for a few seconds before quickly turning around and running out of our respective ends of that aisle. 

I swiftly walked over to my sister to tell her that the "homeless man" that was outside pooping was now inside Walgreens!  We thought he was looking for us, for some strange reason.  We couldn't figure it out ... until we ran into him again in another aisle. 

There he was, and there we were standing as if we were about to duel off like the old westerns.  Shocked, confused, not sure what to do ... all three of us standing there waiting for the next move to be made.

Then I saw something ... no it wasn't another chocolate soft serve - that would just be disgusting!  I saw a nametag.  That nametag was attached to a Walgreens apron. 

This man wasn't homeless, infact he worked there at Walgreens. 

We fled to another aisle to gather our thoughts.  We asked why this man was in the back of Walgreens making a deposit!?  Was he outside smoking and he just really had to go!?  Was the bathroom broken!?  We couldn't figure it out ... and years later just thinking about it, it still doesn't make sense to me. 

This is something that will be engrained into our brains for the rest of our lives, I believe.  I can't describe his face to you though, the only description that I do remember was his eyes.  He had eyes that were sort of popping out of his head, or maybe it was just because of the way we were looking at each other in shock and embarassment??!

Perhaps I'll make a return trip to this Walgreens to see if this guy is around and if he is ... I'll take a picture of him, preferably with his apron on and stocking the shelves.

If you've got theories as to why as person would be doing this ... please do share because I'm still stumped and have not had chocolate soft serve since then.

+ mon

Poop Magnet

For the frequent readers on here, there is a recurring topic that comes ... it's the whole "poop" thing.  Either it's me or it's my dog ... or just poop in general.

This one starts when I get home everyday and the ritual is to take Shadow outside to the pack to pee and if he can, poop.  There are some days when he does his #2 early and when I get home he's already done so all he needs to do is pee.  This was one of those days ...

As I was carying Shadow up the stairs to the back, it was just another normal thing and he did his business in the back.  I didn't notice till the next day that I had a mark on my dress shirt that I was still wearing coming home from work.

Apparently this day Shadow just finished taking his #2 and he still had a "crayon" left or just some sort of left over on his butt.  This ended up on my shirt and I didn't know until I tried to figure out where this "stain" came from.

I carry him on my left side under my arm like a bag, and well his butt wiped off whatever excess was there onto my shirt. 

So if you're wondering, I did end up wearing this shirt to work a few days later when I did realize it was poop while in the office.  Thankfully there was no smell and that it was dry and looked just like a normal stain ... but now the world knows what it really was.

+ mon

Back to the Reality

Ahhhh yes I'm back in NY, I landed yesterday around 5:30am and it's that "horrible" feeling of coming back from a nice "vacation."  Going to Cali wasn't a vacation when I go during Holy Week, it's time spent with the other BNP people from all over the world and it's definitely a great way to jump start that spiritual part of your life and is always a great experience. 

The day started out with us landing in JFK and the rain welcoming us back to NY.  One of the worst parts of being at the airport is waiting for checked-in luggage!  I don't check luggage in but I had to wait for everyone else that had their bags checked.  That's the worst when you're sitting there just waiting for the belt to start spinning ... and it's even worse when your luggage just happens to be one of the last ones to come out of that chute.  Here it is about 6am now and the belt starts, people are crowded around it shoulder to shoulder waiting for their bags to come.  I find it funny how some people stand about 10 feet away from the belt and hope to snag their bag up when it comes out.  There was one guy who had that hope ... as his bag came out of the chute he seems it and instantly bounces up from sitting against the wall.  Now his bag is on the belt and as he's slowly walking parallel to it there is a wall of people in his way until he finally finds that small opening, just big enough to get his hand through.  It was with his skills that he was able to grab one of the straps on his duffle bag ... but now comes another problem!  He has to pull the bag out of that small opening ... while other bags are still coming and about to push his bag further down.  Sounds like a video game huh???  Now the success of this plan lies in how heavy his bag is and how strong he is.  If he's not that strong and his bag is too heavy for him to pull with three or four fingers on the strap, then he loses.  His bag will get swept away with the other bags and he'll have to wait for it to come back around.  But fortunately for him the combination of his strength and weight of his bag was perfect and he was able to snag his bag and pull it out of that small opening from the wall of people.

We all know that feeling of taking a "nap" because we're so tired but then when we wake up from that short sleep we feel so much worse!  It was about 6:30am when we got home and I changed real fast into house clothes in hopes of getting some sleep in my bed for an hour or two ... but saw what became of my room for the past week.  A bad part of "vacationing" for me is that when I leave Shadow (my dog) alone, I think he gets mad at me ... either that or he just has some problems with his butt.  He greeted me as happily as he could when I came in the door, but when I looked into my room, I saw what he had been doing for the past week.  He was virtually alone except when my brother was there feeding him, so there was no one to take him out to do his business when nature called.  I won't go into detail but if you want to know what it was like, it's similar to the movie Dumb and Dumberer.  That scene when younger Lloyd was in the bathroom with a Hersey bar in his back pocket and it melted on the radiator.  The chocolate went everywhere and when the father (Bob Sagat) later went into the bathroom he saw the chocolate everywhere but thought it was something else and all you could hear him yelling was that "he sh*t everywhere!  ... Look what he did he sh*t all over the wall!"

I ended up sleeping on the rug in the living room and couldn't fall asleep for a while, I wish I just got up and started cleaning up instead of trying to knock out.  But I did end up falling asleep and woke up around 10am and had to be at work by 9:30am.  Woke up with that feeling of "damn I wish I didn't sleep" but somehow made my way to work.  I don't even remember what happened at work ... the day went by and I had volleyball that night but wasn't sure if I was going to make it.

Going home on the train, you know you're tired when you knock out immediately after sitting down.  Also, when you wake up because your face is cold from the drool dripping down your chin and down your neck.  Yes I was drooling ... again.  Ended up missing my stop and the only reason I woke up was because I had one big snore and it made me jump to see that I passed my stop. 

At home I cleaned up the mess in my room and ended up weighing myself ... it wasn't surprising to see the results.  I knew that I had gained some weight during the trip and it was about eight or nine pounds, you'll find out why later with all the food that we ate while there.  So I had to go to volleyball to try and work some of this new poundage off! 

Back to the daily grind ... wishing I was in Cali or going back soon.  Now I have more time to blog, blogon!

+ mon

Invasion of Privacy

What would you do when you're faced with a situation where you felt helpless, you felt somewhat paralysed and didn't know what to do?  I'm sure some of us have gone through this before and have experienced many situations where these different feelings do and can come up.  

Today I had an experience where I did feel all of those feelings and thensome.  

It started out as a normal day here at work and then I decide to take a short trip to a place that I like to call my "smaller office."  The trip started out as I went to my normal spots, but all of them were occupied by other employees who seemed to be going to their small offices as well.

So what choices do I have, as nature was calling ... actually yelling at me.  I decided to go to one of the higher floors to see if there was anything available and usually they are quieter and you can spend the whole day up there.  I found one where there was one out of two available and made my way into the small office.  

One thing I noticed was that the door swung outward and I looked at the "lock" on the door, it was very shaky and I made a mental note that if there was a sudden impact on the door or someone would try to open it ... that it would simply give way.  My neighbor was very quiet ... and as nature was yelling at me, I was trying to be as quiet as he, but it was to no avail.  Nature yelled, and I yelled back.  That feeling of having a neighbor in these situations who is being quiet makes things uncomfortable, you try to be as silent as possible, but sometimes that's just impossible, then you start to wonder what they are thinking and then you remember what you were thinking when you were in the situation but you were the silent neighbor and how your face cringed with each noise the person next door did.  I waited for him to leave, but it seemed as if he was situated there for a while.  I could hear people coming in the door, then immediately leaving because they saw that both doors were closed and occupied, I guess at that particular time, nature made it's roll call to a lot of us here.  

I won the battle of patience and my neighbor decides to finish up and leave.  As he was leaving, he opened his door and as he did that the worst feeling came over me.  It was a feeling of not knowing what to do next, that reaction of fight or flight came and I had to make a choice as to where I would go next and what I should do.  

What would you do if you saw this scene about 3 feet in front of you, with your pants down around your ankles?

This picture was taken after the fact and when everything was over and done with.  It's a reenactment as I would not have been able to take this while everything was going on.  

So what would do you???  Good thing for me is that I noticed the shaky lock mechanism, if you could even call it a lock.  I would have had better luck putting tape on the door and the frame to keep it closed.  

As the door swung outward ... yes outward, a panic in me started to set in.  It would have been easy if it swung inward, but that wasn't my luck today.  I could see my neighbor through the opening of the door now and I'm sure he could see me looking into the mirror and seeing the door swinging open!  I quickly decide to leap forward to close the door ... but there's no handle on the door, only a small turning metal part that "locks" the door.  I couldn't grab onto that and had to think quickly.  

See it wasn't just a matter of finding a place to hold the door and close it ... but time was also a factor here.  The door was swinging open more and more, the longer I waited the more exposed I would be, and the harder it would be for me to find a way to close it as well!

I ended up grabbing the hook on the top of the door where you use to hang your jacket or coat and slowly pulling the door closed and putting it in the "locked" position again.  

For that brief moment after the sweat drips off your forehead do you find peace.  Then you rush to finish your business because this could be a recurring issue.  

I think this is actually one of my worst fears coming back to life.  I say "back to life" because this isn't the first time this has happened to me.  The first time was in an airport and the same situation happened when a neighbor slammed the door shut, and mine opened outward, but there was some complications with this as my bags were in the way and I couldn't lean forward enough to grab the door as it swung FULLY open.  The good thing was that it opened towards the urinals and there was no one there.  I leaned as far foward as I could trying to reach the door but with no luck ... what felt like an eternity, but I'm sure was only a few seconds, 30 seconds at most, the door started to swing closed again and I was able to lunge forward to close it.

These things always seem to happen to me!  Becareful out there, and bring some Scotch tape for those doors!

+ mon

Another Worst Feeling

The story of the morning actually started yesterday when I had some White Castle. We all know what happens after having that oh so wonderful burger, don't we? If you don't know, the only way to describe it is that it goes right through you right after you eat it and/or the day after.

So here I sit in a meeting today for about an hour blogging about instead of actually doing it.

I had a meeting first thing in the morning and tried to make my way for a White Castle deposit but my coworker was in the bathroom and started to chat with me at this point I couldn't just walk into the stall and let it out. Who knows what insane sounds might have accompanied the deposit. So instead I walk with him to the conference room and the meeting starts. Now I'm in a bind as I can't leave to go to the bathroom since my coworker just saw me. I'm sitting here barely listening to what is being said, instead my focus is on "holding it" until the meeting is done.

Goose bumps, yes, I think we all know this feeling. The feeling where you are just begging for more time and strength to keep it in. This is another one of those horrible feelings when you need to deuce it up but just can't get out of the situation for a while.

Yes I'm sure some of you are thinkg "wtf" or "that's nasty" but you know its happened to you in your life at least once! As a coworker once told me when she mentioned she had to go deuce and I made a comment, her response was "What?! You act like you've never had to take a sh*t!"

+ mon
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Third Bedroom

I mentioned it in the "Knocked Out" entry about how I have a few bedrooms, one is in my house, the second is the subway, the third is here - at work!

Noo I don't sleep at my desk if that's what you're thinking.  Well actually I've fallen asleep for a couple of minutes here at my desk and ended up knocking things down when I suddenly woke up, but that's not the third bedroom I'm talking about.

It actually started while I was working at another firm and I came in one day dead tired, I can't remember if it was from a lack of sleep, or I was just tired during the day.  So I needed a power nap, the only place to do it was in the men's room, yes you read that right, in the men's room.

I would sit there on the porcelain thrown and either rest my elbow on the toilet paper holder to support my head, while I closed my eyes for a few minutes, or I will put my elbows on my knees (if the toilet paper holder wasn't in the correct position), and I'd have double support for my head.  

There is a maximum time limit here, 15 minutes is borderline so you need to make your exit prior to that.  Anything more than 15 minutes and people will knock on the door asking if you're alright.  There was one time where I didn't wake up for a good 30 minutes and people were looking for me, someone knocked on the door after recognizing my shoes from under the stall walls.  They asked if I was alright and I woke up not knowing where I was and what was going on ... I had to quickly answer and I told them that I had something bad for lunch.  

So many stories of my third bedroom ... there was the time when I started to snore while taking my power nap, luckily no one I knew came in the bathroom, or at least no one knew it was me.  There was another time where there was someone that came into the stall next to me that was quite loud with his ... deposits and air from down there.  It was similar to trying to sleep next to someone who snores loud, and has some stank breath.  

There are times when I'll go to a higher floor because they have cleaner bathrooms, but I'll usually stay here somewhere close to my desk, just incase.  I actually haven't done it in a while but the option is always there!

As you're reading this, I bet you're wondering ... does he sit with his pants up or does he sit as if he's doing the deuce?  Well ... you have to sell it so you gotta go all out with the pants to the floor!

+ mon

WTF to my Ears?!

So I just got back from my morning duece here in the office ... in the stall next to me comes in someone who is doing the same as I.

This isn't a problem and is usually fine, until today.  I'm used to hearing all sorts of "regular" sounds that come along with the call from nature, but today had me in disbelief.

As I concentrate on the task at hand, my neighbor positions himself ... and what do I hear?  A big splash!  At first, I thought I was hearing something and let it go, then again a big splash!  Then another big splash!  It was one right after the other.

It's as if someone was throwing rocks into the toilet from about 20 feet away!  Either that, or this person was standing on the seat and dropping his load from about 6 or 7 feet above the seat.

Seriously, it was that loud!  Splash after splash ...

+ mon