Finding those Options, that Hope

So I was talking to a friend of mine today and I was asked "has been ever been a time in your life when you started to lose faith?"

The answer to this question for me, and I think it goes for a lot of people is yes.  But it goes beyond answering the simple question, and goes into finding out why the question was asked in the first place.  Then it comes to how to deal with it and what solutions can be found to deal with the issue.

People sometimes ask me how I do the things I do, meaning how do I deal with things that are tragic, or how I deal with things so lightly.  I think some people only see the times when I'm getting to the point of being alright again, and not at that point where I'm breaking down, but those times of breakdown do exist.

There have been more than a few times where I've almost lost faith, and lost my hope in a better tomorrow.  But as the saying goes, it's not the number of times you fall, but it's the number of times you get up.  That saying has been used from so many different angles, from basketball, to religious views, to just personal matters.  It's everywhere, and the reason it's everywhere is because it's definitely true.

I think as humans, we tend to take things in all at once.  When we have problems we take it all in, and let it envelop us and even sometimes take over our lives.  I've been through that a lot, where it's taken a toll on everything else around me, which is something that's quite dangerous.  Along the way of my tragic moments, I've learned to try to take things one at a time.  It's similar to those fight scenes in movies, you know the ones where there's a group of people against one person.  The group will attack the one person one at a time so that the single person can deal with all the attackers.  That's how I try to deal with problems, and how I think people should deal with them as well.  We will always have issues and problems in our lives, be it from an outside source or something we made happen ourselves is no difference, it's how we react to them is what counts.  As I told my friend you need to focus on the 1st problem before moving onto the 2nd and 3rd problem.  Sure problems don't come one at a time and instead come in packs, but it's up to us to get them on the individual level.  How can we solve the 1st problem, when all we're thinking about the 2nd and 3rd problems we have?  The answer is we don't and can't.  Well some people might be able to, but not as effective as dealing with the problems one at a time.  If we can't find a solution to the 1st problem, then we move onto the 2nd and not worry about the 1st until we know that we have a plan of action against it.  Dealing with one thing at a time makes things so much easier to handle.

I consider myself a pretty religious person, and one of the things that happens when we have problems and issues is we often ask the question "why?"  We wonder why us, why now, we're the "good" people so why are we being "punished" and the list of quetsions goes on and on.  Honestly, we never really know the entire picture of why something is happening, ever.  We might know, or think we know why something is happening, but in reality we can only see it from our point of view.  A lot of friends tend to ask the questions of why it's happening to them, instead of taking that step back to see a bigger picture of the situation.  They focus on the part that involves them, and only them directly, why because that's how we are as humans.  Sometimes we miss the other things that are thrown into the mix because we're so focused on one part.  Then this is where we start to get into conflicts with each other, and even with God.  We start to blame Him for the things that are happening, and we also decide that He's forgotten about us.

I don't think that's the case at all.  He has told us that He gives us trials and tests in our lives to see how strong our faith is in Him.  We need to see that when we're given hardships in our lives, it's our chance to shine through it all and not stick in a corner and complain as to why we were dealt a bad hand.  He gives them to us to see us perceviere through this time, and usually we go through all the crap because He wants us to deal with it at that moment, so that when He does give us the brighter side of things, we'll appreciate it more, and we won't take it for granted.  We are given these things to make us stronger individuals, families and most of the time we miss it.  These aren't bad times, rather these are opportunities for us to come through a better person, come through as a better family.

The reason we don't see all this is that we keep those blinders on and we don't see how far the ripples extend.  We don't see that the ripples we caused in that stagnant pond go into another little lake or pond.

A friend of mine said that when we're at our lowest, those are the times that we can get the closest to God that we ever will.  I am proof of this, as when I was the lowest in my life, when everything seemed over for me, I was able to see Him clearly.  It was strange, but I was able to hear Him better, and I was able to interact with Him in a such a way that I have never been before.

Just to clarify, when I mention Him I'm talking about God, not some male friend, or boyfriend because I'm not gay, not that there's anything wrong with it!

You know that saying, make the best of the situation?  Well that's what should be done in most cases, if we are faced with something that is beyond our control, such as trying to find a new job and getting it.  Trying to find a job nowadays can be really hard given the economy, and people can't get on themselves if they didn't get the position because 9 times out of 10, they didn't get the job for other reasons, for financial reasons - be it someone came in asking for a lower rate, or someone who is just barely qualified being hired as opposted to someone that has everything going for them.  So we can't get down on ourselves about this, and also, remember take it as an opportunity.  If you're unemployed, just do what you can for your parents, for your siginicant other, for yourself.  Moping around and feeling bad for yourself will really get you nowhere, again, it's how many times we stand up and get up from situations that counts.

All that I've said here can really be summed up into a short paragraph.  That when times are hard, handle your issues and problems one by one, instead of everything at once.  In doing so, it will help other things in your life fall into place.   Don't try to figure out the reasons for why things are going badly, or why you deserve or don't deserve this, because we really don't know what the reasons are until we take that step back from the situation.  Trying to understand the reasons and the why's, won't work out too well since you'll now be focusing on the questions rather, than tackling the actual issue(s).  Be strong and know that these trials and tests are simply an opportunity to shine!  There's this song that reminds me of this ... Getting Better by the Beattles ... You've got to admit it's getting better geting better all the time ...

+ mon

Waiting for Gym Class

This was an entry that I put in my old blog (which no one read lol, and I was going to post this yesterday but it slipped my mind, so here I am posting it today).

Back in high school I remember having gym class at most twice a week. The rest of the time you have the "other" classes that just fill up your schedule, like science, math, english, and all those other classes that are just there to fill your day so you don't have idle thoughts. Having that crumpled program card in my pocket and looking at it each day, even though I knew where I was supposed to be and what class it was, then seeing that day that had gym on it. That feeling was awesome, it was a countdown until you were able to go into that gym class again.

I guess going to gym class was different from going to the park and doing things with your friends like playing basketball or baseball. Being in that gym class gave you the opportunity to show off to your fellow alumni your skills, or lack thereof. All our fellow classmates would see us in is sitting at our desks buried in a book (as we fell asleep), or doing projects with them for whatever filler class we might be attending. There was hardly any time to show those other people in the classroom what kind of athlete you were, or there was never any time to show that you weren't just some nerdy kid.

Being able to gym class and show that you are somewhat coordinated and others very well coordinated was a big thing. The circle of friends expanded just because of your abilities! Even if those new "friends" you met in gym class weren't the ones you hung out with all the time, you would now get the head nod in passing in the hallways, or if you were lucky the pound or the high fives. That was what gym class was about.

But there was only that one day or if you were lucky two days you had gym. Each day would just be another countdown until you got to wear the same clothes as the other guys and match with everyone in the PE uniform.

That's how it feels for me again. I'm back at that spot where I sit here day in and day out just waiting for the next volleyball game so I can do my thang and show my coworkers that I'm more than just a suit and tie. It's fun that way, and I like it more because you have a sense of teamwork and accomplishment, even if your team lost all three games. I would rather do that then going out for "drinks" after work.

Well here I sit, one day a week of volleyball is not enough for me. I'm going to check out a new league tonight, and possible another league. So there's a potential to be in three volleyball leagues, so that means three days of gym class ... wish I had done this when I was younger and maybe I would have been in the Olympics or something. But it's funny how you can do this stuff when you're older since you have the cash and nothing else to do.

So now I look at my program card and wait in anticipation for gym class tonight that is in 2 hours and 30 minutes. Then maybe gym class on Sunday as well ... I'm starting to like this program that I got.

Game on!

+ mon

911 for McNuggets!

Freakin awesome!

+ mon

Breaking Even

I've always considered myself someone who breaks even.  I find it very difficult to save, and the reasons always vary.  Sometimes it's because I went shopping too much, but usually it's because something happens within my life that money needs to be funneled in that direction.

This happens all the time with me, like when I work a lot of overtime and think I'm going to be able to save that money ... I don't.  The reason was because my dog needed an operation and I had to use that cash to pay for it. 

So today was another reminder of that same principle, that I always break even.  Well it's actually worse than that, it's I always break even or I end up in the red.  Pretty much getting the short end of the stick most of the time when it comes to finances.

With the last check I got, I thought I would be able to save a good amount of money, but that just wasn't the case.  I sponsored some youth for HW and that was fine, I charged most of it on my credit cards that I had previously paid off the week before.  I checked my account today and thought that a check cleared, but apparently it didn't go through yet, and the money that came out was from another charge that I wasn't aware of! 

So the story goes that I lowered my text messages on the phone to 400 a month for $5 instead of the unlimited text messaging for $20 a month because, well I figured that I wasn't that popular and people don't try to text me anymore. 

Damn did I get screwed!  For the month of Jan to Feb, the additional costs for text messages were up to $140!  Now I saw this months extra charges and it's up at $110 just for the text messages. 

That's what happens when I try to save a few bucks here and there, I get pinched someway.  In trying to lower my bill down $15 a month ... I ended up getting jacked for about $125 average monthly (so far)!  Hmmm maybe I should call and have them switch me over to the $20 plan again and see if they can remove some of those charges?

Wow, this is just craziness.  I'm going to call them now and hopefully they can help me with this since this is outrageous!

+ mon

Update on Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 5:17PM by MONStar

I LOVE YOU SARAH & TMOBILE!

I called up and explained the situation regarding the text messaging and going over by more than double.  It turns out the unlimited text plan is only $15 instead of $20 which means I was trying to save $10 and instead paying $140 extra.

Sarah said we'll put me back on the unlimited plan and they will take out the $110 charge that I have going on for this monthly overage charges. She told me that I should have called about last month before the billing cycle was done so they could have removed that $140 charge too ... oh well, lesson learned, right?

Lesson is when trying to save money, make sure you don't go over the lower plans!

So text away people, I have unlimited messages again.

+ mon

Netflix ... too Expensive!

The only reason I say that is because I make it expensive.  How does that work you ask? 

Well I'm on the 3 dvd at a time plan, I think it's something like $20 or $21 a month.  Not too bad huh?  Well it gets pricey when you don't return the dvd's for 2 or 3 months at a time!  So I'm really paying about $20 a dvd to rent, if I keep the 3 dvds for 3 months at at ime!

Geeze, I could just buy the dvd already.  To make things worse, I have been renting at the local Blockbuster instead of me returning the Netflix movies to get new ones.  This is one of the bad habits that I have to break.

I'm not sure what it is that makes it so hard to just drop the dvds in the mailbox.  I could even just bring it into the office and drop it off at the mailroom, but the thing is, the last time I did that Netflix never received any of the dvds ... so you can figure that one out for yourself!

I need to return these movies and save some money!

+ mon

WTF to my Ears?!

So I just got back from my morning duece here in the office ... in the stall next to me comes in someone who is doing the same as I.

This isn't a problem and is usually fine, until today.  I'm used to hearing all sorts of "regular" sounds that come along with the call from nature, but today had me in disbelief.

As I concentrate on the task at hand, my neighbor positions himself ... and what do I hear?  A big splash!  At first, I thought I was hearing something and let it go, then again a big splash!  Then another big splash!  It was one right after the other.

It's as if someone was throwing rocks into the toilet from about 20 feet away!  Either that, or this person was standing on the seat and dropping his load from about 6 or 7 feet above the seat.

Seriously, it was that loud!  Splash after splash ...

+ mon

Music to my Ears

As I was walking to the subway this morning, a car was backing up into it's parking spot.  In doing so, they had to go over a small mound of snow that had been pilled up from the days before.

I stopped walking as I heard the snow being crushed under the weight and pressure of the car and tires.  There's something about this sound that I love.  I stayed there until the car was done parking and the sound was gone, but this is something that I really like listening to.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why I snowboard, because I hear this sound all the time when I ride.  When I'm there strapping in, or about to go on a run, I heard that snow getting compacted and crushed under the board or my boots.

Ahhh that sound ... too bad I hadn't heard it this season since I didn't have a chance to ride and the only time I did hear it was a car parking along the street.

+ mon

Do you Smell it?

Spring is in the air!  As much as I love the winter ... I love spring too!  Well I actually like all of the seasons because of the different things each one of them brings.

I guess I see spring coming in the next week or two from seeing how it's been in the past few years.  Usually we'll get a snowstorm right before spring comes.  That last (or first) snowstorm will come and drop a ton of snow on the ground, getting icey and cold.  Then in about a week you start to see that all start to melt away, the temperature starts to go up and then the buds start on the trees.

Hmmm two weeks at most is what I'm giving it.  But I think the spring like weather will be coming around this weekend, if not early next week.

+ mon

Age Ain't Nothing but a Number

As I was writing the last entry, it got me thinking about this topic and I wanted to start writing about it now instead of waiting till later.  We all know how that works right ... we read or do something then we tell ourselves, or make a mental note to "reply later" or something similar.  Then a few hours go by, a day, a week and then months and we're still telling ourselves that we will do it later ... so I'm doing it now.

Here I am a 29 year old, who's working and volunteering with this church/youth group.  A lot of the "kids" are just getting into college, so they are 18-20 years old.  It's usually a weekly basis that I see these kids and usually we hang out a lot.  Go to the movies, get some Korean BBQ, play some Rockband2, watch movies at my house or whatever it is ...

Sometimes I wonder to myself when I am with them is if they feel that I'm one of their friends, or if I'm just a chaperone.  Someone who is the driver and isn't really part of the "group."  I can't help but wonder that sometimes just because of the age gap, but I already know that I am part of them and the age isn't an issue. Well at least I hope I'm right about that.

I mean how many people do you know hang out, like really hang out on a regular basis with people who are 10 years younger.  Well you know at least one, and that's me.  It's funny how I can relate and how I can sort of see them at the same age level ... that's one thing I really like about myself, is that I don't ever want to fully grow up! 

I want that childlike feeling of being open to do anything and everything, of being innocent and not being afraid of getting hurt, and seeing what the immediate world around you has to offer.  I like the kid in me that never is afraid to come out.

So as the hang outs continue and we all grow older, I'll probably start to wonder if they don't mind hanging out with a 40 year old when they are all 30.  But then again, it doesn't matter to me because I'll always be a child at heart. 

+ mon

Feel the Heat

It's been a while since I've been excited ... about Holy Week.  Well it's obvious because the last time I went was last year, but it's different this year.  I guess in the past few months I've felt spiritually empty and dry, no one to blame but myself.  Well this time around I feel it again, I feel that burning inside.

I'm not sure what it is, or if it's even just one single thing.  Most likely it's a combination of a few things, one being that I went to confession on Friday and I'm still doing good since then - usually I'll fall within a few hours of confession, or even less!  Another factor could be that there are a good amount of youth that are going to California for Holy Week this year!

So far there are 7 or 8 of us that are going, and about 7 of us on the same flight going there!  It's going to be a party plane on that Virgin America flight :)

My only hope is that my spiritual prep continues to do as well as it's been for the past few days.  There's still a long way to go ... it's just the start, but feeling that fire within is definitely a good way to start.

Another big factor that I think is helping this fire go is seeing the kids.  See when I say kids, I'm referring to the 18, 19 and 20 year olds that I hang out with all the time.  Seeing Emil getting hyped about the past meeting and the upcoming events including HW is exciting!  Also knowing that the kids are doing what they can to try and make it even though there is a good amount of money involved in flying over there ... it's inspiring.  Hearing them say simple things like "I'm going no matter what" and even if they have to miss school (like they are going to actually miss being in class!).

As someone once told me ... do I really want to throw gas on that flame?  The answer is obvious.

+ mon

Working for the Weekend

This has been on my mind for a while now, and well it's not that I'm ungrateful for having a job in these "hard economic times" but it's just the anatomy of the job and what it entails and takes you away from.

We'll take the typical office job into consideration, say from 9am till 5pm. 

So here we are at 7am in the morning waking up and getting ready for work, because we also have to factor in the travel time so that we can make it into work ontimat 9am.  The day ticks away and we're here pounding on the keys of this board, going to meetings, meeting clients, reading emails, etc etc.  As the clock ticks, 5pm finally comes around and we're ready to get outta here and head on home.  Given that this is the rush hour and everyone rushes to get home, we get to our front door at about 6:30pm.  Now just because we're at home means that work is behind us, we have to get out of that work mentality and change and get comfortable for our life at home.

7pm is when we're in our house clothes and finally comfortable.  Now it's time to cook, watch tv, spend time with the family.  The clock hits 10pm or 11pm ... uh oh it's time to go to sleep now because we have to wake up at 7am to start the work cycle again.

Now taking a look at that, we spend about 12 hours a day either getting ready for or from work, being at work and traveling to and from work.  That's 12 hours, 7am to 7pm.  Then we have 3 or 4 hours to "relax," watch tv, spend time with the family, or whatever we have in mind before we have to hit the sack to get enough rest for us to make it through the next day.

What is that?  We only have a quarter of the time to spend at home during the week to be with our families, to relax and get away from work???  That's ridiculous, seriously it is. 

My boss always talks to us about quality of life is what's important, and what kind of quality of life is that when you come home at 7pm and spend the smallest amount of time with your kids and family.  I've always said that it's so much better to be working at a job that doesn't pay a lot, but does give you the time to be with your family and friends. 

The ideal job is to work on the beach and sell drinks.  The money probably isn't that great, but you're relaxed and you have time to be with the ones you love. 

Whomever invented the "work week" is an idiot!  Yes I said it!  Why couldn't they come up wtih a more balanced approach, 4 days of work and a 3 day weekend, or vica versa. 

Gotta love working for the weekend, us being behaved little robots for those 5 days gives us the reward of having 2 days to ourselves, awwww isn't that great!  This doesn't even take into account overtime, and those who are tied to their jobs with their ever so wonderful Blackberry's. 

Ahh well, back to work for me, another 9 minutes of regular time and probably some more overtime here.

+ mon

Square Root Day

Today is a square root day (heard it on Z100).

3/3/9

+ mon 

Weather!?

This past "winter" has been a bit of a let down.  There hasn't been much snow, if any at all.  The temperature has been going up and down, and sometimes it feels like spring is already here - that's how it felt at the end of last week.

Until yesterday ... we were blessed with a big amount of snow!  I guess you can tell that I do love the snow.  We've had about only one major snowstorm each year for the past few years, and it's disappointing :( I remember those days when we would have at least two or three snowstorms during the year!

These would be the times when I would be out shoveling and seeing the kids having a snowball fight, and there's just something in me that can't say no to that.  So they'll all of a sudden see a random snowball come from where I was shoveling.

I guess part of it is that it takes me back to the days when I was younger ... oh wow, when you say something like that you know that you're getting old!  But I miss those days when there was a snowday and schools were closed, well sometimes they weren't even closed, but the streets and roads were covered in just enough snow that I was able to convince my parents that it was better that I stay home that day.  During these snowdays, with nothing ever planned it would always come to a point where my cousins and I would all go outside around the same time ... after some shoveling had been done by the neighbors and there were little mountains of snow on random spots.  We would then hide behind these mounds, and the war on 90th street began!

This was never a timed war ... sometimes hours, sometimes a few minutes.  It would depend on if there was an injury on the field of battle.  The quick battles would be the result of someone getting hit in the eye or in the ear with a nicely packed snowball.  That would stop things and depend on if that person was able to recover after using the blowdrying to warm up.

Ahhh those were the days.  The days when the snow was more than a blessing, but a blessing we could play in.  Those were the days when we could play in the snow even though we couldn't feel our fingers anymore.

So with this crazy weather of being in the 50's, then a snowstorm and being in the teens, I can only hope for more snow and maybe have another battle.

+ mon

Youth Infomercial

Here is something that we have been working on as a presentation for Ultreya.  Gotta love their acting skills!

+ mon

First of Many

With a title like that, I'd hope that I can follow through with it and have entries daily ... we'll see where this takes us.

I've always been the type of person to create things on my own, and stay away from the "communities" that are already existant online, but this time around I figured that I wouldn't fight it anymore and just jump right in.  For a few years I've had my own blog on my own site, but the thing with that is the feedback from people is limited to those who know of your blog.  It seems that I was quite popular with a lot of people selling those little blue pills, or trying to get me to enlarge certain body parts, but I do hope that I get feedback in this community and this can serve as a jumping off point in my public interweb life.

That's it for this entry, and well I do want to try vlogging, so we'll see if that happens.

+ mon